Fact: Two out of three people I know, when asked by me what they thought of today's results in Iowa, thought I was referring to sports scores. This is extremely dumb -- not because all college students should be at least vaguely aware of what's going on in their country (too much to ask) -- but because all of these people are my friends and should know by now that I hate watching sports, let alone discussing them. Tsk tsk.
But back to gubbernment. Let us celebrate this politically-charged day with the announcement of a new Iraq strategy made 'specially for my friend Mr. Bush. I am totally serious in my support of this strategy, not just because I thought of it myself (though that definitely weighs heavily), but because I honestly think that it would be infinitely more attractive to Mr. Presidente than any idea the Dems or Gops have floating around now.
It goes something like this: Bush announces an immediate pullout of troops from Iraq. As immediate as, say, next Tuesday. Okay, more like within a few months, realistically. Now, this is not to say he actually needs to MEAN it, all he has to do is make sure both Americans and Iraqis believe him. This will kill two birds with one stone: The American public will be appeased because they think Bush is finally coming to his senses, and Bush will be able to scare the shit out of the Iraqis (since they know we've put ourselves in a situation that will only get worse if we pull out right now, awesome). This will cause either of two things: 1) the Iraqi government will be so frightened by the implications of a quick pullout that they will finally attempt to get their shit together, or 2) the Iraqi government won't get anything done and chaos will erupt, therefore securing the need for American troops in Iraq for years to come. Either way, the result would be fabulous for Bush: If Iraq gets its shit together even temporarily, then Bush would get some fraction of those dreamy post-9/11 approval ratings back and possibly not be remembered as the worst president ever in the annals of history and make a Republican win in '08 slightly less impossible. If that doesn't work, he can say "at least I tried, so shut up" and no one will be able to say anything against that because it will actually be true (for once).
The moral of this story is: Iraq is EZ!
