While technology around us is improving at lightning speeds, I have come to the conclusion that the art of the book cover is, in fact, regressing. You see, book covers and their corresponding titles used to tell it like it is. They disregarded political correctness for old-fashioned honesty. They were simple, but profound. They told truths we were afraid to admit to ourselves. Nowadays we have book covers with all this abstract art mumbo-jumbo and vague titles, so of course you can't judge a book by its cover. Not anymore, that is. (Pictures thanks to Jason, Things Magazine, and Pelican Books)
10. Thomas, you're my boyfriend and I like you plenty, but I've always known that you share a secret language with monkeys. You men, you think you can fool us, but we see you at the zoo, whispering into the chimp's cage; we see you in the forest, howling for your orangutan friends; we see you in the theatre watching King Kong, encouraging the animated beast in your native ape-man tongue. Plus you all act like gorillas, which doesn't really help your cause.
9. The first all-encompassing instruction manual to this dangerous mammalian species! With chapters like "Your Taxi Driver is Always a Terrorist" and "On the Eighth Day Satan Created Iraqis," your whole family is sure to love this book for years to come! And guess what!? If you call right now, we'll give you this guide for only 19.99, and we'll even throw in a FREE Koran for you to burn in the comfort of your own home. Yes, America, now is the time for you to see your enemy interact in its natural habitat! No CODs, must be 18 or older to call, Huckabee 08 sticker sold separately.
8. Fuck the system! We're going to bake a layer cake out of it, and then we're gonna decorate it with rainbow sprinkles, and then we're gonna fucking eat it. I'm gonna stuff my face with your capitalist bullshit! I'm gonna make you bleed through layers of Coolwhip!
7. Clearly they hadn't discovered Carl Sagan or particle physics yet.
6. Sir yes sir, we have already ravaged every single Iraqi woman in the area. It seems we have no choice tonight but to call in those tight young Blackwater men. Sir yes sir, a group discount is available on Mondays. Right away, sir.
5. Mommy, look! Colored people even live in colored houses!
4. Sir, we regret to inform you that your job just got pwned. In more ways than one. Do not pass "Go." Do not collect $200.
3. Woah, lowly freshman, have some respect, you're talking to a senior citizen here. Yeah, you heard me. Excuse me? You say I can't be one since I'm only 20? Well, go anal yourself. I am a citizen, and I have seniority over you, so I'm definitely the senior citizen here. When I'm 74 and you're 72 I'll still be the senior citizen, but you'll just be an old person.
2. Just because you're really turned on right now does not mean you like child pornography. No no, I totally believe you, you were just checking out her rack, I get it. Okay, shut up already, it's becoming less believable the more defensive you get...
1. YES, SINCE YOU ASKED, I AM FUCKING PMSING. DO YOU WANT TO KNOW HOW I FEEL? THIS IS HOW I FUCKING FEEL. LOOK AT THE FUCKING PICTURE.
